I have been so bad at blogging, so everyone is really out of the loop in regards to the immense growth I have been experiencing the last few months! God has been shaking me and reforming my heart and mind like crazzzzy! So I would not know where to begin at this point…BUT, I do indeed have something to share at the moment; it just may not make sense. Hopefully God is glorified regardless.
I have discovered what it means to rejoice always. I have discovered what it means that Jesus is really EVERYTHING I need; He is the bread of life. That statement has depth beyond words now! I have discovered what it means to fully depend on Him and know that I am victorious in Him, even when the battle is ugly and it looks like I’m LOSING HARDCORE! He has already WON for me :)
To be very honest…My world feels like it is falling apart; encountering heavy spiritual battle daily, moment by moment. I am probably losing my great grandma in the near future, she is like 92, and it just seems like she is fading in a sense. She was my best friend growing up, even though she was bi-polar and had a lot of ups and downs; I spent more time with her than anyone else when I moved back to San Diego when I was 6…I always have felt safe with her and known that she loves me, even when she doesn’t seem like her self. Ladies and gentleman, I am not prepared to lose her. But I rejoice in the Lord nonetheless.
My heart is still not fully healed from lies that have been told, promises being broken, and the let downs that are inevitable when man if involved hah. Then there is the pain that comes from letting go of how I wanted to see God bring about certain redemption in my life and waiting patiently for Him to do it HIS WAY. Which let’s be real, is usually very different. I rejoice in Him still.
My mom’s depression seems like it will never fade, and most of the time I feel like an orphan in the human parental sense. But God reveals Himself deeper and truer as my EVERYTHING, through this pain.
“I cannot rejoice always in my circumstances, but I can ALWAYS REJOICE IN THE LORD!” -unknown.
This most accurately expresses where my heart is. I suppose even though my pain goes DEEP, my hope goes much DEEPER still. And in light of experiencing that anchor of hope I have in Christ as I have been able to through all this, I can say I am extremely thankful.
He is healing me yall! But in order to heal, one must be broken.
For the first time, I see a storm ahead, and I’m not anxious or worried, I am not afraid. I do not wish to escape the pain, only rather to keep my standing firming in Christ and none else. Because He lives in me, I can face tomorrow, BECAUSE HE LIVES.
I still have so much growth to encounter, I have attained just another glimpse of the abundance my Father has for me; He deserves all the glory and I intend to purposefully tell more of the stories in which I have seen glimpses of His glory in my life. They are not my stories to withhold from the world, but His to proclaim for His names sake!
